shake hands with the unemployed

Etymology

Possibly British or Australian in origin; a jocular reference to the penis (which is used in the act of urination or masturbation) being "unemployed", i.e. not used for sexual activity.

For the "masturbation" meaning, some sources credit American comedian George Carlin (1937–2008) with the quote "Masturbation is shaking hands with the unemployed" (e.g. Geoff Tibals (2012), The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes, Constables and Robinson, page 385), though it is not clear when Carlin may have said this.

Verb

shake hands with the unemployed (third-person singular simple present shakes hands with the unemployed, present participle shaking hands with the unemployed, simple past shook hands with the unemployed, past participle shaken hands with the unemployed)

1. (idiomatic, euphemistic, slang) To urinate.
   • 1975, E. E. LeMasters, Blue-collar Aristocrats: Life-styles at a Working-class Tavern, University of Wisconsin Press, pages 103–104

     An older man made this remark when he left the bar to urinate: "Well, I'll go back and shake hands with the unemployed." Since he was heading for the men's room I didn't get the significance of this statement for a minute or so; it was, of course, a reference to sexual inactivity.

2. (idiomatic, euphemistic, slang) To masturbate.
   • 1993, Seattle Sal: Grunge Jokes, S.P. Books, page 43:

     Why did the preppie boy make a great social worker? He had a lot of practice shaking hands with the unemployed.