Episode 1: Gone in a Flash

[Maurice is making a sundae]

Maurice: [singing] Making my ice cream, Oh, sprinkle it on, (Julien grabs the sundae while Maurice is not looking) Now we add a cherry on top! [Julien grabs the cherry] Owwwwwwww!

Julien: Uh, less sprinkles next time, okay Maurice?

Maurice: I just can't take this!

Julien: Rule number one: Do not question the king. Rule number two-- (Camera falls into Maurice's arms; They begin to fight)

[Later...]

Julien: I said gimme! What part of Give or Me do you not understand?

Maurice: I understood the me part, like, this was caught by ME!

Episode 2: Launchtime

[last lines]

Skipper: Looks like we have intruders, boys. Commence Operation: Hammer Head.

Julien: Excuse me. Hammer whose head exactly?

[Rico coughs up a hammer in Skipper's flipper; Julien, Maurice and Mort run away screaming]

Episode 12: The Hidden

Skipper: Pop quiz, troops. What can't we trust?

Kowalski: (flipping through his notebook) Three-day-old stir-fry mung beans.

Skipper: Right. What else can't we trust?

Private: (holding up a book on badgers) Badgers!

Skipper: (gives Private a questionable look)

Private: ...Maybe that's just me.

Episode 15: All Choked Up

Mort: Ooooh, it smells like the circus!

Episode 18: Miracle On Ice

Skipper: (After the rat king jumps on Kowalski while playing hockey; concerned): Kowalski, speak to me, man!

Kowalski: (lying on ground): Just a... knock on the old... (twitches) ...monkey bus...!

Skipper: (confused): Kowalski...?

Kowalski: (stumbling on ice): No need to paint! I'm as flopsy-faced as ever!

Skipper: (after Kowalski gets up and picks up hockey stick): I...don't think you're fit for duty...

Kowalski: (continuing to stumble): Flibertigibit, man! I'm as juxtaposed as the next hamburger! (slips and falls on his belly)

Private (after he and Skipper also get hurt): Skipper, maybe it's time to admit we've lost.

Kowalski (stumbling in the background): The moo-cow may have a chocolate marshmallow!

(Julian wins the hockey game, defeating the sewer rats, Rico, Private and Skipper looked shocked; Kowalski stumbles past them)

Kowalski: Well, I'll be a bicycle-cream-cone!

Episode 21: Mort Unbound

[Last lines]

Kowalski: Well, nothing left to do but whip up another batch of antidote.

Private: Actually, I don't think that won't be necessary. Private likes big.

Rico: Oh, boy.

Episode 23: Misfortune Cookie

Julien: And finally, it's the trampling by a thousand rhinos!

Rico (a rhino tramples him): (yelps)

Julien: Uh, slight glitch, though, we only have one rhino. So you have to do it a thousand times.

Rico: (gets trampled by the rhino again)

(Some time later)

Julien: Flightless bird, you have completed the three trials! By the way, sorry about the extra rhino tramplings. I lost count.

Rico: (scatting)

Duck: Look out! (lands on Rico's face with his rear)

Episode 35: I was a Penguin Zombie

Private: (hears Skipper wheeze and cough, followed by a bucket being kicked) Skipper's... gone? It-it-it can't be! (jumps off) What'll we do?

Kowalski: We will honor him the way he would've wanted... by soldiering on like men. (all three glare at the audience)

(A Moment later, in their HQ, all three are bawling; Kowalski is hugging Private while Rico spits out a picture of Skipper)

Rico: Why, why, WHYYYY!?!

Episode 48: Dr. Blowhole's Revenge

Julien (after Dr. Blowhole and he stopped laughing maniacally): Question: why are we laughing?

Dr. Blowhole: Question: how did the prisoner escape?! (Julien leaps on him)

Julien: Prisoner escaped?! Is he dangerous?

Dr. Blowhole (annoyed): No, and apparently, he isn't very bright.

Dr Blowhole: You'll appreciate this, Kowalski. I've installed a lair Theater System, High definition with surround sound. Exre-e-emely spendy.

Kowalski: (slightly angry) Oh, why do the bad guys always get the good stuff?

Dr. Blowhole: I am so glad you could all join me to witness history. I am, of course, especially pleased that my fli-i-i-ghtless foes graced us with their presence.

Skipper: (annoyed): Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Private: There's nothing good on Tely tonight anyway.

Dr. Blowhole: (hovering over Private): Well, Private, here's a little show I whipped up. It's called:

Computer Voice: Ring of Fire.

Dr. Blowhole: It is fitting that I returned to the very aqua theater where I performed tricks for the duller humans. Oh, how it made me bitter.

Private: Sorry. Did he say "bitter" or "better"?

Skipper: Hard to say; the sound really bounces around in here.

Kowalski: No, that would be the high ceilings.

Dr. Blowhole: My humiliation in the Ring of Fire became my inspiration. In the Frozen North, we've constructed a vast circle of certainly surprising devices that tap into the heat of the Earth's core. (four drill-like devices break through the ice, glowing)

Skipper: Oh, come on. (Dr. Blowhole zooms over to Skipper)

Dr. Blowhole: Do you mind?! I'm just getting to the good part! It's re-e-ealy quite a shocker.

Skipper: It's so obvious. Humiliated by the humans-

Private: -activate the Ring of Fire-

Kowalski: -melt the Arctic-

(Rico babbles)

Skipper: Well, how did we do, punk?

Dr. Blowhole (slightly surprised): You're... in the ball park.

Episode 28: Hot Ice

(Skipper is discussing the value of the diamond necklace.)

Skipper: Yes, the kind of riches that turns men into animals and animals into… Kowalski what’s more savage than animals?

Kowalski: Hmmm… malfunctioning garbage disposals?

Skipper: C’mon, you’re not even trying.

Episode 34: Love Hurts

[Willing to see Shauna, Private veers to the right and blatantly avoids the Deli and descends to the right ground.]

Skipper: Uh? Kowalski, what’s on the right side of the Deli?

Kowalski: I believe that would be Gunnerson’s Home of Rusty Bear Traps.

Rico: Oh boy...

[Private falls there and shouts in pain as the sound of bear traps snapping is heard.]

Episode 35: The Officer X Factor

Kowalski: “Of course! It’s the salt. The sodium granules released from the pretzel cart into the convective cloud layer must have sparked a freezing nucleation reaction and BOOM! Instant rain.”

Episode 36: Brain Drain

Kowalski: I like peanuts, and I like butter, but I do not like peanut butter... [breaks the fourth wall with a creepy grin of idiocy] WEIRD!

Skipper: So we’re stuck with the stupid Kowalski, well maybe it’s a good thing. I mean we were all getting tired of his big high, fleeting words like recalcitrant, right? I mean, what is that? Recalcitrant. Do I like recalcitrant to you?

Rico: Uh huh.

Kowalski: Oh YEAH! Up high!

Episode 46: All Tied Up with a Boa

Skipper: Boys! Butter me up.

Kowalski: Your leadership is impeccable and your musk is an intoxicating blend of danger and… ugh.”

(Skipper slaps Kowalski)

Kowalski: Right. (sees the tray of butter and realizes what Skipper was referring to.)

Episode 49: The Red Squirrel

Julien: (after being submerged in toy dolls): I confess to everything! My father was not a talking water cycle! (is submerged again) I cheat at whistling! (makes raspberries)

Buck Rockgut: These snitches don't know anything. They're just a bunch of "small potatoes."

King Julien: It's true! I am also secretly a potato. OK, that one was a lie. I just wanted the ropes off, you know?

Skipper: (after realizing Buck Rockgut was crazy) Well, maybe we left our paranoia caps on a little too long.

Private: I do feel bad for the old guy. He's wasted decades chasing an enemy that probably doesn't even exist. (the penguins glide on their stomachs back to the zoo; a telescope appears out of a bush and reveals an underground lair)

Red Squirrel: (pushing the record button on a tape recorder) Red Squirrel's log. Special Agent Rockgut has been dispos-sed of. (turns his chair around) Time to get to work. (laughs maniacally and leaps toward a metal door, but crashes into it) Stupid eye-patch.

Episode 50: It's About Time

Future Kowalski(s): Private/Skipper, you've got to stop me!!

Private: (in response to the first future Kowalski) Um... okay. Kowalski, stop, please.

Skipper: (in response to and kicks the second future Kowalski) There, you're stopped.

Future Kowalski(s): No, not me, me! That me!

Private/Skipper: There's 2 of you?

Skipper: (kneeling down at the statue of liberty sunken in snow cone shavings) Kowalski, you maniac! You did it. (pounding on the floor) You finally did it.

Kowalski: Yeah, but you got to admit, these are pretty good snow cones. (picking up snow cone offering to Skipper)

Skipper: Yeah, totally worth it. (licking on snow cone)

Episode 58: When the Chips are Down

Private: OK, Mort, we have enough food for several days. I'm sure Skipper will find us soon, right?

Mort: (sniffing his finger) Mmm! My finger smells funny! (giggles) You wanna smell it?

Private: No, I'd rather conserve energy and sleep; you should do the same (starts sleeping)

Mort: Nighty-night. (stares his head left and right)

(After a time transition, Mort was revealed to eat all the food in the machine and lets out a really loud and long burp, waking Private up)

Mort: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!

Private: Oh, what was that?

Mort: (lying on the machine, fattened up rubbing his big full Tummy) Ooh! My tummy don't feel so good.

Private: What happened? Where's the food?

Mort: Well, I got hungry.

Private: (a bit angry) So you ate everything?! Even the Cheezy Bits?!

Mort: They're not so bad after the fifth bag.

Private: (begins screaming in pain) Do you realize what you've done, Mort? We needed that food! It's doom to us both!

Mort: (sits down) Doom?!

Private: Yes, doom, doom, doom, because you're dumb, dumb, dumb!

Mort: (begins to cry)

Private: Don't you dare crying!; Because only worse than being trapped with you the rest of my life is being trapped for the rest of my life with you crying!

[Later at The Zoo]

Private: See, Mort? It was good that you ate the food!

Mort: But you told me not too.

Private: I Know Mort! But it was good that you did anyway because it saved us! Don't you understand?

Mort: [Mort puts his paws on his Tummy as his Tummy Gurgles very loudly and he let's out a very loud and big Fart]

Mort: (Tummy Gurgles ) (Mort Farts very loudly) ( FFFAARRT! ) (Mort pats his Tummy) I have to go potty!

Episode 61: Arch-Enemy

Skipper: One mistake little friend, we are like the three musketeers, except there are four of us and we’re birds and in no way French, but the same team mentality applies.

Dale: Couldn't care less.

Episode 92: Cute-Astrophe

Julien: [once noticing the humans are unconscious by Private's Quantum Hyper Cute] Tell me, who among you is the Dark Wizard?

[The penguins step aside to show Private]

Rico: That guy.

Private: I was just trying this new little thing I could do! You know, kind of a little... [uses the Quantum Hyper Cute as the other Penguins look away] Boosh.

Julien: [lovingly] OH, LOOK AT HOW CUTE-- TOO CUTE! TOO CUTE!!

Episode 132: High Moltage

[Private uses his Quatum Hyper Cute, only for his feathers to fall out as he does]

Kowalski: Of course, the itchy feathers. He's... [gasps] molting!

Rico: [disgusted] Ew!

Skipper: To the bunker! And cover the Private's shame.

Alice: [weary] Wow. That was nasty.

[In response, the zoo visitors instead recoil from Private's Anti Cute Attack]

Private: I failed.