The following is a list of quotes from the first season Robot Chicken.

Sweet J. Presents (Pilot) [1.0]

Junk in the Trunk [1.1]

Say the line, Earl, or you'll get the gas.

George Bush: My name is George W. Bush and I approve this message. [Cut to a picture of a taco] Tacos rule.

Rachael Leigh Cook: [holds up an egg] This is your brain... [holds up a frying pan] and this is heroin. This is what happens to your brain on heroin. [sets down egg, and smashes it with the pan, holds up pan with egg dripping down] And this is what your body goes through. But it's not over yet. [smashes dishes] THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR GRADES! TO YOUR FRIENDS! [smashes cat] TO ALL YOUR STUFF! [smashes TV screen] WHAT HAPPENS TO THE PROFITS OF YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S BAKE SALE! [smashes an old lady; runs outside] THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO WORLD ECONOMY! [smashes trash can; kicks a nearby mail box before smashing it] AND YOUR BOYFRIEND GIVES YOU HERPES SIMPLEX A!! AND YOU END UP GETTING A STUPID TATTOO OF A UNICORN! [begins smashing a van a bunch of times setting off it's car alarm] ON YOUR LEFT BUTT-CHEEK THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FIREBIRD, BUT YOU WERE TOO STRUNG OUT TO NOTICE AT THE TIME! [runs away, and home runs a puppy; police surround her]

Police Man: We just wanna help! [gets his face smashed, all the cops jump Rachael]

Rachael Leigh Cook: [smashes all the police men away] THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO FAMILY VALUES! [on a building ledge] THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO THE POLLEN COUNT!!! [smashes the buildings wall] Any questions? [people look at her with confused expressions] ANY QUESTIONS?!?!? [smashes herself off the building, likely to her death]

Optimus Prime: Hi, I'm Optimus Prime. What you've just seen was a dramatization of what you, your friends, and your family go through if you don't get regular prostate exams. Now we Transformers don't have organic internal organs, and can't get cancer. But you do, and you can.

Jazz: So get your ass checked out before it's too late, turkeys!

Voiceover: This has been a message from the Cybertronian Medical Association.

Host: Here's a rare blooper from that smash-hit cartoon, "Pokémon"!

Pikachu: Pikachu! Pika pika, pika pi!

Squirtle: Squirtle Squirtle! Squirtle Squirtle!

Pikachu: Pika pika, Pikachu! Pika pika!

Squirtle: Squirtle Squirtle! Squirt — What the (bleep) am I saying?! No I mean it! This (bleep) makes no sense at all!

Pikachu: Say the line Earl, or you'll get the gas.

Squirtle: For the love of Christ kids, go read a book or something!

Nutcracker Sweet [1.2]

Girl: This is me, and this is Stalin. [draws love heart] We're married.

Elian Gonzalez: We must always remember the sacrifices made today by the brave Cuban soldiers... whose deaths will not be known outside of Cuba thanks to the American embargo.

[Castro shoots him dead]

Fidel Castro: I love doing that!

Gold Dust Gasoline [1.3]

Giraffe: So, you told them the wrong time on purpose?

Noah: Yep, God hates freaks.

Giraffe: That doesn't sound like God.

Noah: "That doesn't blah-blah-blah!"

Giraffe: Well, then, why did you let the pixie fairies on board?

Noah: [shocked] I DID?! [grabs a mallet, heads downstairs, and attempts to kill them] Get back here, you little dust tosser! [whacks three times]

Speed Racer: [not making any movement] It's important that I do not move, because if I were to move, that would add to the cost, so if I stay perfectly still, that will be preferable to moving, because animation costs money, uh-huh.

Merman: [laughing, talking to animals in boat] You guys are gonna drown, but we're a mermaid and a merman! We can swim! [Dragon bites mermaid's head off]

Dragon: I hope you can also asexually reproduce, asshole.

Merman: Crap.

Toyz in the Hood [1.5]

[Presidential Report Blooper starts]

Reporter 1: This just in: CNN calls the state of Florida for Al Gore! That means Gore has won the Presidential Election. Thank you, Jesus!

Reporter 2: Sure dodged that bullet.

[Blooper ends]

Bloopers Host: Oops.

Father: [after shooting the Tooth Fairy] FREEZE? When I drop a FAIRY?! You know I am only getting started, motherfucker!

Vegetable Fun Fest [1.6]

Lucy: Just kick the ball, you block-head!

Charlie Brown: But every time I try, you just take the ball away.

Lucy: This time I won't! Come on already!

Charlie Brown: [to himself] Maybe this time she means it. I'm really gonna do it! I'm gonna kick the football! This is it! [kicks Lucy] That's for years of humiliation, bitch!

Charlie Brown: Poor Linus...

Lucy: [Insane ranting] That block-head! Everyone's a block-head! Block-head, block-head, block-head!

Police officer: [talks in the style that most Peanuts adults do] Wah wah, wah wah-wah-wah, wah wah, waaah?

Lucy: What did he say?

Charlie Brown: Ugh, I never have any idea what any adult says; it's always that "wah wah wah" crap.

Charlie Brown: This is different from the time we got lost in France, or when we almost drowned during the great river raft race. I fear just having a positive attitude with strong Christian overtones won't save us this time.

Marcie: Hold me, sir. [she and Peppermint Patty start French-kissing]

Charlie Brown: I said "strong Christian overtones"!

Charlie Brown: I'm at the end of my rope, Lucy. Everybody else is dead, besides you and me. [The Great Pumpkin eats Lucy while Charlie Brown is still talking] I thought being stuck as a pre-pubescent bald kid for 50 years couldn't get any worse. What should we do?

Great Pumpkin: [trying his best impression of Lucy, but failing horribly] You should let the Great Pumpkin eat you!

Charlie Brown: Meet the kite-eating tree, you ugly son of a bitch!

A Piece of the Action [1.7]

[at the cracks of Mount Doom]

Vince Neil: Back to the fires that forged you, evil trinket! [edge breaks, plummets] Aahh! Arrgh!!

[Corey Feldman jumps down, grab Vince's hand, grapple hooks the cliff and stops their fall]

Vince: Corey! You saved me, bro.

Corey: You can burn in hell, I just want the ring. [drops down]

Vince: Corey, no! ["SPLAT!!" sound] Aw, bro!

Corey: Um friends, remember me fondly... in Stand By Me.. and in The Lost Boys.. only the fist half. [sunken down] A-a-and Friday the 13th was pretty gooh....

The Deep End [1.8]

Aquaman: Listen, uh, I don't mean to be nitpicky or anything, but, um, the living room hasn't been vacuumed in weeks and...

Superman: Hey, Waterman, I was busy, you know...realigning the planet, or something.

Aquaman: But you drew vacuuming out of the job jar and everyone else...

Superman: Face it. Who's gonna save the Earth from a giant meteor while Superman's vacuuming? You? I don't think so.

Aquaman: I could. Hey!

Badunkadunk [1.10]

Alien 1: Dammit, dammit, dammit! Years of planning, ruined!

Alien 2: How were we gonna take over the world with a white Michael Jackson, anyway?

Alien 1: Dammit, dammit, dammit!

Toy Meets Girl [1.11]

Destro: Everyone just sort of lost interest. I think as you get older, ruling the world just seems like too much trouble.

She-Ra: Am I done yet?

Michael Moore: You'll know, She-Ra, you'll know.

Midnight Snack [1.12]

Black Midget: Yeah! Then the five-O plant the DMA evidence. You can't trust to police! One time a police take my shoeshine box. Beat me with it! My lordy!...What? Every black man on TV gots to be a posamative role model?

Dog: But the DNA evidence matched 13 out of 13 tests. The defendant is clearly guilty.

Jack: ...Uh, you're a dog, OK? So let's go over this again.

Judge: Jack Backett, you are charged with double homicide. How do you plead?

Jack: Not guilty, your honor.

Jury Foreman: This is gonna be fun! Yee-haw!

[Dog busts into the courtroom with a gun]

Guy in the courtroom: Oh my God! He's got a gun!

Dog: Nobody listened to me before! Jack must die! [Starts going postal in the courtroom.]

Narrator: Tune in next time when every dog has its day.

Atta Toy [1.13]

Papa Smurf and Brainy are in Vanity's house, investigating the latter's murder, in a parody of Seven.

Papa Smurf: One thing's for certain, Brainy. Vanity Smurf died the way he lived.

Brainy: Bicurious?

[Brainy Smurf enters Smurfette's house, when all of a sudden, he sees Jokey holding a box.]

Jokey: Oh, Brainy. Hi, Brainy!

Brainy: Oh, no, Jokey! Your sick sense of humor, your total disregard for smurf safety, your Se7en movie trading card collection. You're the killer!

Jokey: I got you a present!

Brainy: What's in the box, Jokey, what's in the box!?

Jokey: It's a surprise!

[Brainy opens the box.]

Brainy: Nooo!!! Oh, Smurfette, noooo!!! [The box explodes.]

Jokey: Hahaha! Surpriiiiiise!!! Mwahahahaha!!!

Brainy: What the hell is wrong with you?

Homer Simpson: Morning Apu, one order of Freedom Fries, please?

Apu: Oh, for the love of my heathen God. They're called french fries, you fat, stupid American!

Guy: Department Of Homeland Security, don't move!

Apu: What?!

[The Department Of Homeland Security guys point their guns at Apu, then shows The Simpsons family at a barbeque.]

Simpsons: Happy birthday America!

Marge Simpson: I hope Apu has learned his lesson.

[Scene then changes to a naked Apu chained to the neck by Lynndie England in a detention prison]

Apu: I am so sorry I ever dared question the wisdom and strength of the United States of America.

Lynndie England: Damn straight! Yee-ha!

Joint Point [1.14]

Bone-Chiling Villain: Gahahahaaaa! Sorry little girl, but Queen Beryl needs your life force to take over the planet earth! Gahahahaaaa!

Luna: Serena, change into Sailor Moon quickly!

Serena: Right! Moon Prism Power! *Sigh*

[Transforms into Sailor Moon]

Sailor Moon: In the name of the moon, I will punish... Oh my god!!!

Bone-Chiling Villain: Hahahaaaa!!! HMMMM!(whispers) What? What is it? OH MAN!! [Grabs a garbage can lid and covers his penis.] AUGH UH! I-I-I-I don't know why that happened!

Sailor Moon: Well... Geez!

Bone-Chiling Villain: I'm so sorry! That is so disrespectful of me! You are pretty hot though!

Sailor Moon: Should... should we...still fight, because I don't really want to anymore!

Bone-Chiling Villain: A-A-AWW! You know what, the moment's definitely passed!

Sailor Moon: Alright! S-See you next time man!

Bone-Chiling Villain: Nah! Sure! Okay! Um-Um- Another time!

Bone-Chiling Villain: Queen Beryl, I have failed to bring her Sailor Moon's life force!

Queen Beryl: You Fool! Your utter incompetence is dwarfed only by your sheer stupidity! EWW!!!

Bone-Chiling Villain: AUGH UH I-I'm sorry your majesty it's just... I kinda like it when you yell at me! I-It's Hot!! [gets zapped directly on his penis & falls down.]

Queen Beryl: Soon I will have your life force, Sailor Moon, and my plan to rule the earth will come to fruition! [Notices her erection.] Oh...anime sure is weird!

Nightmare Generator [1.16]

[The A-Team are about to take off in a helicopter.]

B.A.: I ain't flyin', Hannibal! No way, no how!

Hannibal: That sounds perfectly reasonable B.A., now calm down and have some nice milk.

B.A.: [drinks glass of milk] Mmm, milk, Good for the bones, good for the kids. I pity the fool who ain't got no calcium in his diet!

[Murdock drops a huge TV on B.A.]

Faceman: Murdock, we drugged the milk! You didn't have to hit him over the head!

[Next scene, aboard the helicopter]

Murdock: Hey, you know years of drugged milk can lead to severe side effects like Severe lactose intolerance.

[The unconscious B.A. begins farting up a storm]

Faceman: Damn it, the windows won't roll down!

Hannibal: This is gonna be a long flight...

Operation: Rich In Spirit [1.17]

Daphne: Gosh, Freddy, are we really going to go all the way?

Fred: If one more person says something about my ascot, I'll — damn, it's fashionable!

Fred: I suggest we split up. Shaggy and Scooby, you check the campground. Velma, you check the woods. Daphne and I will check out the bunkhouse and have some of that nice mating until you get back.

Phyllis Diller: Mate? You? With her? But with that dickey, you couldn't even bag an old bag like me! [laughs]

Fred: [slaps her] It's an ascot, you old whore! An ascot!

Phyllis Diller: [punches Fred] Well, your "ascot" laid out by this old whore, dickey.

Shaggy: Man, I am one sad dog-food-eating hippie.

Velma: The virgin always lives the longest in these horror movies. Gosh, my life sucks!

Don Knotts: You think your life sucks? One of my apartment tenants might be a flaming homo! [audience laughs] And that ain't all - somebody killed me! [falls down dead with a knife in his back]

Velma: Now let's see who you really are. [Unmaskes Jason] Old Man Phillips?! But why?

Phillips: Spanish doubloons in that lake! Thousands as far as the eye can see! It would have been all mine, if it weren't for you meddling kids!

Velma: A-a bunch of coins?! My friends are all dead! They're dead, and I'm still a virgin! A virgin!!

Phillips: Y'know... we can fix that.

The Sack/Adultizzle Swizzle [1.18]

Stix the Rabbit: Ooh! Stix cereal! I gotta have some!

Boy & Girl: Silly rabbit, Stix are for kids!

Stix the Rabbit: Just give me a little!

Girl: He touched me inappropriately!

[Stix gets sent to jail. In Jail, Stix rabbit meets Cookie Criminal]

Cookie Criminal: Couldn't lay off the sugar right?

Stix the Rabbit: [crying] But I can't help myself. My mother ate sugar when she was pregnant with me!

Cookie Criminal: You wanna control the sugar? Stop using and start selling. Here, hook this guy up when you're out.

Officer: Rabbit, you're out.

Stix the Rabbit: Really? But its only been an hour!

Officer: You in Alabama foo', an hour's all you get for touchin' a child

[Cut to a scene there a Gudie and Stix Rabbit going around in the jungle]

Toucan Sam: Selling's a dangerous business rabbit! Had to kill the Fruit Brute, Yummy Mummy, even the Cinnamonkey!

Toucan Sam: Well, just follow my snout. It's never in doubt.

Jungle Guide: (whispers to Stix) A snout that big, it should know more than Einstein. Heh! Heh!

Toucan Sam: KILL THAT RABBIT!

[All the refugees around Toucan Sam shoot the guide rapidly. We then see a few chiefs made Sugar]

Stix the Rabbit: [referring to the cocaine] Wow! Do you have any idea how rich am I going to be selling this cocaine...SUGAR! [realized and telling the audience] I meant to say 'SUGAR'! Okay! (long pause) There!

[After Stix the rabbit uses sugar to get money wee see children eats suger instead for chocolate, a Bee is used as leverantor. The Stix Rabbit and the Leprechaun are sitting naked in the spa.]

Leprechaun: I tell ya, the bleeding boys were following me around, and one little brasser says, "We're after your charms." And so I says, "Forget about me blue diamonds, and worry about me blue balls, ya whore!" Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Stix the Rabbit: Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah. I never have any idea what you're saying.

[Stix Rabbit's assistant steps into the scene.]

Assistant: (Whispering in Rabbit's ear) Bad news, boss: the Rice Boys are talking to the cops.

Stix the Rabbit: (standing up with his censored tube out) Men are always talking!

[Scene cuts to the Rice Boys sitting down and talking to the police officer in a dark room.]

Crackle: Okay, okay, I'll crack!

Snap: I'll crinkle!

Pop: I'll plop!

Crackle: The Stix Rabbit made us sell the stuff!

Officer: Uh...we only brought you in 'cuz someone turned in your wallet.

[Officer holds up wallet. All the Rice Boys look nervous.]

Pop: Heh...Must-must've lost it.

[Scene Cuts to Tony the Tiger and Capitan Crunch shooting the police]

Tony The Tiger: Use the hollow-point bullets. They're G-r-r-r-roovy!

Capn' Crunch: Their bones will stay crunchy even when it's soaked in blood! Ha ha!

[Then the cops first kill the two assistants, then Captain Crunch, Then the police kill Tony the Tiger, who is falling down]

Stix the Rabbit: Don´t Shoot! I give up!

Policeman 1: He is giving up! Shoot him!

[Policemen start shooting on him, and Stix Rabbit is soon in heaven]

Stix the Rabbit: (Sees a Box of Stix Cereal) Yes! Finally!

[An Angel appears and says]

Angel: Silly rabbit, Stix are for kids!

Stix Rabbit: Noooooooooo!

That Hurts Me [1.19]

In case you were wondering, the answer was The Da Vinci Code.

Devil: [to three guys in lava pool] That'll teach you to vote for Nader! [All of the sudden, hell freezes over] What the hell?!

[In a bedroom...]

Nerd (in a singsong voice): I got laid! I got laid! I got laid!

Hot girl: What can I say? Nerds are hot.

Nerd (still singing): Gettin' on a message board, gonna tell the internet! Laid! Laid! Laid! L-a-y-e-d! Laid! Laid! Laid! Laid! [hangs from the ceiling] Laid! Laid! Laid! Laid!

Hot girl:: Mmm, hot.

Freddy Krueger: If Ghostface got voted out, take it from Freddy, that would be a dream come true. Ha ha ha ha! You get it? Ha ha ha ha! A dream! Ha ha ha ha! I kill people in their nightmares. That is what I do, that's my thing.

Freddy Kreuger: Fighting boredom is the hardest part of living in the Big Brother house. [Jason Voorhes playing charades, mimes TV, a robot, and a chicken] In case you were wondering, the answer was The Da Vinci Code.

Doug: I hope I land on Keira Knightley's underwear!

Budda:[sighs) Everyone wishes for that.

[Later]

Doug:[To Keira Knightley) I was almost your underwear, ya know.

Timmy: (when kid 2 gets done raking leaves, he jumps into the pile) Ha ha jerkass! (hits a hidden fire hydrant)

Kid 2: I got you, Timmy!

Timmy: I...can't feel my arms and legs.

The Black Cherry [1.20]

Britney Spears: You can have my black cherry Justin. ..... ow, my butt!

Robot Chicken Christmas Special [1.21]

Gohan: Dad, could you kick an angel's butt?

Goku: You're dang right I could.

Gohan: Is that Santa on the roof?

Goku: Well if not, I got a present for him. [racks handgun slide, Santa falls hard out of the chimney]

Gohan: Santa, Santa!

Santa: Oh! My hurting knee, Oh, dang! Gosh! Dog scrotum! Get it out of Heaven that hurts like a person!

Gohan: Dad, what's a scrotum?

Goku: Uh... er... heh. So, uh Santa, what happened?

Santa: Bandits, Goku; they stole my reindeer, and all the presents... and my pants!

The Nutcracker: Ha ha ha, Christmas is ours!

Reindeer: You'll never get away with this!

Composite Santa: Ho, ho, ho! (Makes a fist) I've got five good reasons for you to quiet down: (Pulls out a gun and shoots the reindeer five times) One, two, three-four-five!

Gohan: Dad, who are those guys?

Goku: Kung fu legends. That's the Little Drummer Boy; his mystical drum conjures summon demons most foul. The Nutcracker; he knows over 100 different testicle-based attacks. And Composite Santa Claus, who looks like one half Santa and one half Frosty the Snowman.

Gohan: What are Composite Santa's powers?

Goku: I don't know, but he freaks me right the heck out.

Composite Santa: Intruders!!!

Little Drummer Boy: I will conquer the demon with my magical drum! Hahahaha!! [he fights playing the drums and drops the sticks]

Reindeers: [After seeing Goku and Gohan's Kamehameha, killing two reindeers, making like a path] Holy guacamole!!!!

Composite Santa: [Composite Santa is vertically cut in half by the Kamehameha blast] Temperatures over 32 degrees Fahrenheit... my only weakness! [Composite Santa dies]

Reindeer 1: It's payback time! Let's beat her up so bad, her kids will inherit the bruises!

Reindeer 2: Yeah, we'll hit her so hard, she'll starve to death rolling!

Reindeer 1: She's so ugly, we'll push her face in dough and make gorilla biscuits!

Reindeer 2: She so black, when she go to night school, teacher mark her absent!

Santa: Tha-that-that's still my wife, guys.

Santa: [Referring to the mutated Mrs. Santa] She's grown too gigantic and unstable! Women.... am I right, fellas? -->